Most recently this past April in DC, where some guy followed me into a vacant bathroom in a cinema, whipped “it” out and strutted over to my stall like a cowboy, with his hips thrust forward and his elbows back. But uh, my fault? I guess I was in the “anonymous-homo-sex-in-a-theatre” part of town? And I guess eyeing “Sheriff Cock-Out,” in the hallway – prior to his wang-whipping moment, when he was just standing there doing nothing but creeping-out the people exiting the cinema to use the toilet – was an invitation to have him proposition me, schlong-out, while I peed?
I mean, I know I’m attractive, but uncomfortable harassment and “not taking the first ‘no’ for an answer” syntax should not happen, nor should it follow anyone into a restroom at night.
Reference this with the numerous times I’ve had my ass grabbed at bars or clubs or raves, by like-minded “forward-ass-gays,” trying to show interest, and I feel like I know where you’re coming from ladies. It’s not right. You should not have to deal.
Some men just have a tendency to go too far.
Now, being a man, I understand men. Consequently, I see the shortcomings in many men’s lives that create the environment which gives life to such things. Our urges are hard to manage, we need to get better guidance and we need to develop our sympathy. For without being able to cope, knowing what’s right, and putting ourselves in another’s shoes, how can we know what is “wanted advance” and how it feels when we fire across its line into hostility?
I mean, it does seem like common sense …at least to me. Don’t grope, touch or make another feel helpless to your whims. Don’t whip it out, unannounced and expect the other to instantly gratify your needs. Life is not a porn movie.
However, perhaps you’ve grown up in a barn and only know mallard rape scenarios; or maybe you’re a psychopath head executive, who only views other people as things.
Even so, your bestial ignorance or brain related birth defect is not an excuse. For it’s your responsibility to educate yourself on what is acceptable and then not cross that line. Reference your general adherence and knowledge of federal and state laws if you’re not sure what that means.
And no, I’m not without guilt. I’ve transgressed and for that I’m sorry. I truly am. The haste of youth, the haze of alcohol, and some moments of misinterpretation all gave rise to moments where my actions were perhaps too close to the border of accepted relations. Shame that as you grow, you’re a boy before being a man.
So perhaps let me share a thought, aimed at helping both the women of the world and my brothers in arms:
DON’T BE A DICK men.
You can have respect with your masculinity. It’s called charm.
Don’t cross anyone’s line and everyone’s lines are different. Get tuned into what the other feels is accepted. Ask and listen and stop, when and if. And though I might say it often as a joke, never “take advantage.”
I say this because I’ve had too many friends and girlfriends who have been assaulted or raped or otherwise degraded by ignorant monsters or just the lacking, uneducated masculine. And yes, in weird turns of events, though to lesser extents, I’ve also been privy to the same in the aforementioned experiences.
And there’s nothing worse than having to cope with unwanted, or persistent, or line-crossing sexual advance.